I used to see it from the other shore, from the hidden and secretive trails at the bottom of Marine Drive or from the top, from the air, when flying anywhere from Vancouver Airport. I am not even sure if I truly went there physically for a walk. If I did it was really many, many years ago, maybe in 1990ties? Because everywhere you look from Iona jetty you see familiar and dear shapes of shoreline and sea – it feels that you were. But did you?
At least last Tuesday was memorable and I will remember this time. Sun was gorgeous, sand soft, almost muddy, the shapes of fallen white huge trees, their trunks and strange crowns of roots brought by an ocean from forests far away, the piercing sunrays from blue skies – all created eerie atmosphere of Cocteau theater stage or Hasior’s artistic installations.
Younger friend bringing the whiff of youthful air and contemporary world and a Black Watchman of yesteryear. Of an ancient Black Order.
Theatrical? But of course! It truly was a massive stage, with huge steel pterodactyls flying from the airport right there above our heads.
I have few passions in my life. No, I will not write fifty pages blog post, don’t panic, LOL. But generally speaking I wear my emotions on my sleeve and if I like something and enjoy it – I usually use terms ‘I loved it’ instead of ‘I liked it’. Be it a dance, or a kiss, a poem or an operatic aria. Yet, also a … long walk on a beach, in the forest, through bustling streets of big cities.
I do the walks much more often the operas – it is much more affordable. The trails and streets do not need to be re-done completely with new sidewalks, shops, and cafes. In opera – they do. A piano concert very often does not need even an orchestra – just one instrument and one player. In an opera, whoa! A lot: en entire orchestra, most of the time a choir, many actors-singers, and sometime even ballet parts; new set for the stage. None of it comes cheap. So, you pay for the tickets.
But I go to operas much less than to other musical events. There is also a much larger chance that it might be disappointing. Not because a composer was bad, but it could (and often is) that the singers are very un-even in their talent and ability. It could drive you crazy listening to beautiful aria being murdered- I prefer when the dying are the operatic characters, not the delivery of a song LOL.
In the past two days I did both – long walks and an opera. It started with a long and tiring walk in Downtown Vancouver. I enjoyed it – but still suffering (when will it end, brrrr?) from an bad accident a month ago, it was a challenge. By the time I got the Queen Elizabeth Theater[i]I was already a bit exhausted, especially if you add to it a visit to the Holy Rosary Cathedral for a beautiful Latin Mass for late Pope Francis. It wasn’t the Old Rite Latin Mass, just the language of the Liturgy and songs by the choir were in Latin. I thought very appropriately. The pews were full.
From there, a walk to the theater. And my seat was in the second last row of the balcony. I almost compared it to the religious experience from the church and thought of (how inappropriately, LOL!) – Calvary. I sat on the, edge (for that I’m grateful), right by the stairs. Never noticed that the seats are so small and leg space is almost non-existent! I’m sure my neighbor didn’t appreciated my constant attempts to shift my body and relive my screaming left leg.
Madama Butterfly offers one of the most enduring and sad arias for soprano sung by the greatest: Montserat Caballe[ii], Maria Callas and many other great divas. I must say truly that the soprano at this performance was superb. Yasko Sato was extraordinary in her rendition of both the joy (first part) and incomprehensible sadness in the second part of the opera. Actually, the entire ensemble was very good … except the tenor singing the part of Butterfly husband – Pinkerton. Sad. Why doesn’t he seek engagement in the choir perhaps, or some local pubs offering pop songs for jolly clientele? Just about every other male voice in that ensemble was better than his. Ej wej… I will not mention his name. No need. Orchestra performed very well, thank you Maestro Lacombe.
Very poignant and interesting change was the historical setting of the opera – the director moved it to Nagasaki in … 1945. I thought that it has added some deeper sense of tragedy to the story.
Alas, the next day came. The other passion, emotions: the walks. And what could be better on a nice walk if not the company of dear friend? Nothing, indeed. Wawa and I went to very dear for me paths of Crescent Beach in South Surrey[iii]. So many dear memories: with John, with my Mom, who loved it here, with my Damian. The days I was truly happy. Not much has changed there, thanks heavens. As they say: if it ain’t broken – don’t fix it. Although the local business owners (same business, as in my times) were telling us with horror of some plans by local city politicians of idiotic plans for new parking restrictions. That might kill these businesses right out.
I even took my socks off and it was such a wonderful sensation to feel the rocks under my soles, the broken shells, and water! You have no idea how beautiful sensation it gives you, unless like me you were denied that for long weeks now because of the accident. I felt as free as being on Wreck Beach almost, LOL[iv]. Simply by … removing socks, ha ha ha.
Wawa, that old soul wonderful guy, was a company par excellence. There was not a single word uttered, that was forced, or unnecessary; likewise there was not a single moment of silence that felt uncomfortable. Yet, a lot of words were said and there were moments of silence.
We looked at Point Roberts, at Tsawwassen and its Centennial Beach. I was telling him what it was then; he told me what has changed.
What has changed? I don’t know. The colour of your dress, of his pants, oh her hair, of their car? Maybe. But if they were your friends – nothing really changed. They didn’t, you didn’t, and we stayed true to ourselves. Remember – that’s what made us friends at the beginning.
Yeah – it was a nice walk. Earlier, before Crescent Beach, I went for breakfast to Wawa’s magic house – all the overgrown greenery, the abundance of spring lowers, petals on the trail, on the porch, the friendly parrot. Later to peaceful Ocean View Cemetery in Sapperton and there rows upon rows of flowering cherry trees. His friend was just waking her lovely and friendly blind dog there. We had nice chat.
Perhaps two words in English first: I just noticed myself that my post recently are all (or predominantly) in Polish. Have no idea why. Usually I use Polish when the subject matter is specifically about Poland or Polish people. The truth is I really don’t make a conscious choice about the language I’m using – when I think about it in Polish – I write in Polish; when I think about the subject in English, I write in English. So I have I become more Polish than Canadian suddenly, LOL? I don’t think it is possible. Maybe because of my recent accident I have become by necessity bound to the space of my apartment and most things in it are ‘Polish’: books on shelfs, paintings and photographs on the wall? For some reasons I was also listening to old Polish pop music from the (sic!). Does it mean that when I will go to Poland most of my sentimental stuff of walls and shelfs will be Canadian-English? Perhaps. After all- Canadian English was my language for a big majority of my life, entire adulthood.
But, be it what it is – next post is in Polish, too. For no other reasons but the fact that I thought of it in … Polish, LOL.
Gdy wstajesz tuż przed świtem, świat ledwie budzący się z tobą jest inny. Mów językiem poezji, zapomina o potocznym języku świata praktycznego. Wychodzisz na balkon i gapisz się w ten półsenny budzący się świat. Moment krótki to trwa tylko, ale w tym momencie gadasz, jak ten półsenny wróżbita jakieś wiersze pozbawione formy lub tą formę odrzuciwszy kompletnie. No, bo w takim świecie akcenty, sylaby, podział wersyfikacyjny – jest kompletnie bezużyteczny, nie pasuje w tym świecie półsennym. Świecie przed pierwszą ranną kawą.
As Kevin Farell, the Cardinal Camerlengo of the Vatican, announced on Monday the death of Jorge Mario Bergoglio, the 266 Pope of Vatican and Catholic world – His Holiness Francis – I had to look back at His record as a Pontiff.
Who was that man, what he meant to his followers, his flock; what he meant to the world as a whole?
Perhaps the best answer lies in his own memories of that day in Sistine Chapel in 2013, when his fellow cardinals from around the world choose him as a new Vicar of Christ – the pope.
He recalled his conversation on that day, at that moment with his friend, Cardinal Claudio Hummes. Hummes kissed him and congratulated and then said quietly word: the poor. Don’t forget the poor. Cardinal Bergoglio, the new pope, was struck by it and right away thought of St. Francis of Assisi, the patron of the poor, friend of the natural flora and fauna. That’s it – it was clear for him without hesitation – the new pope from far away Argentine will be Francis. And so he was on many occasions, through long, fourteen years of papacy: a friend of the underprivileged, the hungry, and the immigrants hoping for better life, refugees, and victims of wars all over the entire globe. He truly was not a politician, diplomat – he was a shepherd looking after the flock of humanity. Very often beyond that – in his support of ecosystem, for environment, also for his ecumenical work.
He wasn’t John, Paul, Benedict, Pius, Leo – names of great apostles and famous saints of the Church. Just Francis, after a poor young man from Toscany.
After the great scandals of sexual transgressions (in many cases rapes of young boys and girls) during the later days of John Paul II, and during the reign of Benedict, it followed Francis as a dark cloud. Another difficult times was his struggles and fights with the powerful group of conservative cardinals, who rejected the 2 Vatican Synod. Yet, Francis persevered. He understood that the Church to survive it must move from XIX century way of thinking into the XXI century. That if the world changes, so must the Church, without missing or altering the basic tenets of faith. There was always a theological and scholastic doctrine that there is the Church as an embodiment of Christ and there is the Church as an institution, administration, and that second role must move forward with the faithful in the world.
Yet, he wasn’t a ‘revolutionary’ pope by any means. He was just practical and educated. After all, he was a Jesuit, and for a very long time it was widely believed that a Jesuit should never become a pope. ‘Civilian’ clergy (not belonging to any order and the most common) didn’t trust them and were afraid of them. Other, mostly older orders, disliked them too, believing that they were to educated in scientific pursuits instead of proper monastic hymns and payers to God and saints.
Very important in Canada, especially among the First Nations, was the pope visit here and offering an unconditional apology for the role of Catholic Church in the tragedy of running the Residential Schools.
He was also unapologetically critical of Israel’s genocide of Palestinian civilians in their total war with Hamas.
In conclusion it could be said that Francis I came to Rome and changed it in profound way, much more substantial than not wearing the triple crown on the official enthronization or not using all the ‘imperial’ insignia of the Office.
The new pope will not be able to return to the old ways and will have a hard time to fill his shoes.
On my part the only serious disappointment was his inability to full accept the women role in Church. As the Church couldn’t and will not survive without women, both from religious Orders and laity.
Since I moved back home to Vancouver a flurry of meetings, talks and just walks trough that amazingly beautiful city took me away from my grief and my feelings of end of times. My times, of course.
But very recent accident made me hardly movable and confined to home and limited short walks in the vicinity. In the wee hour between sleep and being awake talks with those, who are gone: John, my parents, friends … And than, just a few seconds later, when you are fully returned to reality – the painful knowledge that they are just ghosts, workings of different parts of your brain. That ‘return to reality’ hurts. It is just like for brief moment you have to re-live it all again.
But it is a good reminder. You are always alone with your grief. New connections do not replace broken ones.
In the ancient times there was a concept of Compass Rose – a drawing representing major winds. In the Old Testament the winds refer to land of Elam habituated by people of the brother of Jacob. In ancient Greece that concept was known and used as an aid to safe sailings and returns in navigation and was described from Homer and later historians.
My Rose of Winds, my Compass takes me back to my shores of pain and Loss.
Róża Wiatrów, antyczna od czasów Homera i biblijnego proroka kraina Elamu, do którego wypędzeni z niej zawsze znajdą drogę powrotną.
Tak i ja znajduję po wczesnym zagubieniu, zauroczeniu, zachwycie moim ukochanym Vancouverem. Naszym ukochanym gniazdem miłości i szczęścia. Moim i Johna. Ale Johna nie ma już. Jestem ja i moja Strata, mój Ból. Niedawny wypadek bardzo ograniczył moją mobilność do powierzchni mojego mieszkania i najbliższego sąsiedztwa. Obudziło mnie to też z naiwnego snu nowych przyjaźni, odnowionych koleżeństw i związków. Spotykałem w ostatnich ‘szarych godzinkach’, kiedy już nie spisz a jeszcze nie jesteś przebudzony, twarze wszystkich tych, którzy z mego życia odeszli na stałe. I w tych momentach, sekundach tej realizacji – przeżywałem ten ból na nowo. To było bardzo trudne. I może potrzebne. By zrozumieć, że mój czas się kończy, a nie zaczyna. Że nowe znajomości, może nawet przyjaźnie nie są zastępstwem tych, które odeszły na zawsze. Czas wracać do Elamu.
Gérard Dicks Pellerin
Old tree
I’m watching the dark grey waters
of mighty Fraser River on the approaches
in its muddy delta to North Pacific.
Noon hour, sunny and warm, circles
silvery, light filled stories on its moving
surface like on a back of huge, arched
spines of ancient fish, that remembers
ancient times before the end of times.
Light green leaves of trees lining the shores
dance in the breeze of the spring air.
They hum: we are back, we are back
from a long sleep of the winter.
We are re-born again, and not stopping
the humming, they ask me: are you?
But my green in no longer of light hue;
my roots got stuck in the autumn,
my branches are heavy of thought
and of past springs, summers and winters.
I mourn the birds that used to build nest
on my arms, sing songs of love.
One season they did not came back
and I have not seen them ever again.
I missed them, sighs the old tree.
I sigh, too.
Where are they gone, the birds of my spring?
The time comes when old trees are like old people,
In 1856 Major General Richard Moody founded the City as a Capital of the colony of British Columbia. Actually he named it originally as a Queensborough. It was no one other than Queen Victoria, who called it a Royal City, and because the Seat of the Power was in Parliament in London – it was formally called a New Westminster.
Hence, it retained that old charm and European – in the Island flavor, of course – style of streets and architecture. The two main streets are Columbia and above it, you guessed it – is naturally Royal Avenue leading to – again, of course – Queens Park.
Eventually much later, in the 1920, Vancouver overtook it by size and population. But the Royal City remained with its stiff upper lip, LOL.
I have not been here for almost a decade. But it feels and looks like nothing has changed. Naturally, it did. But almost just superficially: it used to be that every second store was a wedding dresses, long tails and suits. There are still few of them very prominently displayed, but the majority was replaced with new, metro-style trendy cafes, little restaurants with excellent cuisine, boulangeries –patisseries (it will be the death of me, considering my weakness for a good cake and pastries, aj wej!), even an excellent exotic and elegant (with a very handsome perfumer, LOL) salon with perfumes called ‘Aromatica’ – that will be the death of my bank account. Did I mention that the ‘Aromatica’ salon is exactly next door to an entrance to the building I’m living in? Aj wej!!!
Enough of these ahs! and ohs!. Better turn to pictures and see for yourself. Why not start with the stately Queens Park. Loved it very much in my days here. The ‘better’ version not so much – too many spaces and land taken by activities other than strolling, perhaps jogging or even biking. All this big parcels cleared and gates for tennis courts, for dogs of leashes, huge parking spaces. Not my cup of tea. I liked better the old, majestic and a bit wild park. Still enjoyed the walk, the old trees, little art gallery.
Do not worry though about the mistake general Moody made in naming the city. Queensborough does exist next door, sort of another district of New West. A very modern, very European (Continental to the boot – no British Isle in architectural style, no sir).
Once I went on the Waterfront pass the famous River Market on the Esplanade, I had to stop for a moment and reminiscent. To look across my arm if … he is still walking behind me. Yes, my John. The last time I walked here was with him. That was very long time ago. Probably about 2010, maybe even 2005? But it felt like yesterday. These special moments come to me suddenly, without conscious choice. Just a certain spot, street, maybe even store, a park, a street corner. Anywhere and anytime. That is, when my joy in rediscovering the city I love so much becomes dark and heavy. On this walk – it was a sweet reminiscing. Sad – ye, but in that sweet, sentimental sadness. Almost like a melancholy. Wanted to turn and place my arm around his neck and place a kiss on his cheek. I know how he hated public display of affection – but how he sort of secretly liked it, too. Sometime we all do …
In 1856 Major General Richard Moody founded the City as a Capital of the colony of British Columbia. Actually he named it originally as a Queensborough. It was no one other than Queen Victoria, who called it a Royal City, and because the Seat of the Power was in Parliament in London – it was formally called a New Westminster.
Hence, it retained that old charm and European – in the Island flavor , of course – style of streets and architecture. The two main streets are Columbia and above it , you guessed it – is naturally Royal Avenue leading to – again, of course – Royal Park.
Eventually much later, in the 1920, Vancouver overtook it by size and population. But the Royal City remained with its stiff upper lip, LOL.
I have not been here for almost a decade. But it feels and looks like nothing has changed. Naturally, it did. But almost just superficially: it used to be that every second store was a wedding dresses, long tails and suits. There are still few of them and prominently displayed but the majority was replaced with new, metro-style trendy cafes, little restaurants with excellent cuisine, boulangeries –patiseries (It will be the death of me, considering my weakness for a good cake and pastries, aj wej!), even an excellent exotic and elegant (very handsome perfumer) salon with perfumes called ‘Aromatica’ – that will be the death of my bank account, LOL. Did I mention that salon is exactly next door to an entrance to the building I’m living in? Aj wej!!! There is also rather visible (or audible) musical life here. Back in my first years here there was a popular restaurant/club ‘Heritage Grill’. Used to go there many times for a good music and good drinks. Often with dances, which my Mom used to like very much. While still living in Halifax, the owner notified me that the club was consumed by fire. so now the musicians move to little drinking hole ‘Judge Begbie’s Tavern’ and at least twice a week old singers and players and new aspiring ones gather there for impromptu concerts. Little corner by the door where they perform is called Heritage Grill Corner. Nice. Spent an evening there and had a nice chat with two young singers.
Enough of these ahs! and ohs!. Beter turn to pictures and see for yourself.
Specifically and accurately speaking it is not ‘a city’, entire town – rather a specific fragment of Burnaby, major part of Greater Vancouver. Even more specific – a small but prominent section concentrated around intersection of Kingsway, Willingdon and Beresford streets. What is popularly called a Metrotown. A city of glass towers with massive commercial mall in the middle of it.
Któż nie pamięta “Przedwiośnia” Stefana Żeromskiego (jeśli ktoś nie pamięta, to nie powód do chwały – pewne kanony literatury polskiej winny być podstawą tego, co określa się mianem świadomości inteligentnego [czyt. mądrego Polaka]) i jego wizji szklanych domów Baryki? Symbolu nowoczesnej, sprawiedliwej i pięknej odrodzonej Polski. Nawet jeśli “Przedwiośnia” nie bardzo pamiętacie – to bez wątpienia, co te hasło Polska szklanych domów oznaczało, jako metafora.
Odwiedzając wczoraj spacerem środkowy fragment Burnaby, nazywany od molocha-centrum handlowego Metrotown, wspomniałem tą metaforę z “Przedwiośnia”. Całą tą przestrzeń wciśniętą między ulicami Royal Oak, Kingsway, Willingdon i Imperial. Ale podobnie, jak wizją Żeromskiego nie miała z rzeczywistością wiele wspólnego, tak i ta wizja z Metrotown nic o sprawiedliwości społecznej nie mówiła. Jeśli literackie skojarzenia to zdecydowanie Lem a nie Żeromski przychodził na myśl. A właściwie jeszcze dalej i konkretniej: merkantylizm, blichtr, popyt-podaż. Ludzie tam chodzący to nie mieszkańcy – to klienci. Trudno uwierzyć, że tuż obok są urocze, rozległe miejsca spacerowe pięknego Central Park; nieco w dół Deer Lake uroczy, czy choćby spacerowe alejki wzdłuż Sanderson Way. Jeśli nie wiesz – pojęcia mieć nie możesz , bo te szklanno-betonowe ściany ulic przesłaniają wszelką perspektywę widokową. Naprawdę szkoda. Trzydzieści lat temu mieszkałem tu niedaleko, na Capitol Hill. Metrotown już istniał, cały ten wielki mall. Istniało wiele ze starszych wieżowców, ale wszystko miało to ciągle jakiś ludzki wymiar. Nie było martwą (mimo ciągłego ruchu, bieganiny) pustynią megalitów.
Przyznaję, że te szklane ściany przy odpowiednim naświetleniu, niebie i chmurach są gratką wielkich luster. I jest to ciekawe zjawisko i wyzwanie fotograficzne. Kilka z tego dnia zdjęć poniżej. Co naturalnie nie zmienia moich refleksji powyżej.
How do I say it? Where do I sent it, to what address? You didn’t leave any forwarding mail note in all these little messages for my on your old Iphone. Yes, you did tell me that you love me – but that I knew already, as you did that I do love you. More than life. Much more than that. I guess we both did know IT for many decades. Of course, as any lovers we also had the natural urge to say it over and over to the other. Silly, isn’t it? Yet, sweet nonetheless.
But I still don’t know where do I sent this letter, these words I scribble now to you. Just in case.
You know that I’m going in a day or two to complete the last leg of our last journey. I’m going to our Home. Back to our home. Back to the amazing city that saw us, blanketed us with its beauty and it’s almost unnatural shower of protection, and gave our feelings a nest. No, it didn’t protect us from little silly misgivings, trespasses (even if they felt at that time as a apocalyptic catastrophe) – why would it? The city knew that they are of no consequence. It took care and protected that, which was most important and most cherished. That made life worthwhile – our mutual love. The rest was just a noise. Little things to do to fill time. It is when I laid in bed at night and listened to your breathing as you were falling asleep – that was when it mattered. That was all that mattered. Even more than – dare I say it?! – nights of passion that was heavenly.
Have to take that journey back. Back where we should had have came back much earlier together.
It doesn’t matter anymore, really. You are coming with me anyway. Maybe not in body, but in memory. With passing years memories is often what we have left.
You know that highway I’m taking. During summertime it offers glorious vistas. This time of the years, at times it is very treacherous. A strange feeling came over me. A feeling that I might not make it. Not take us back home through the very last, short leg of the journey. Funny, but a bit disturbing. Foretelling? Just in case, a little note to you. Want you to know that I almost did it. One could say that I did, regardless of some little detail at the very end. It would be like, let’s say falling off you skies at the very bottom of the hill, after a long slalom from the top. Who cares? You still skied from the very top. Just a mere few meters doesn’t really count. No, I’m not wishing or hoping that it would end up like that. I do actually believe that in a day or two I will be unpacking in our new place back in our city. This is just a few words to you, in case of some tiny misshape on the last mile. Otherwise – see you at home, Babycake.
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