Grzegorz Braun – karykatura posła

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

Bodaj wczoraj lub dzień wcześniej ogladałem, na żywo, transmisję z procesu sądowego tej nienawistnej poczwary polskiej polityki, posła (sic!) Grzegorza Brauna.

Ta podła kreatura zachowywała się okropnie. Trafiłem akurat na fragment, gdy przesłuchiwano w charakterze świadka profesora Uniwersytetu w Ottawie (Kanada), pana Jana Grabowskiego. Akademika specjalizującego się w historii polskich Żydów, w szczególności okresu Holocaustu 2 wojny światowej i w pierwszych latach po wojnie.

Nigdy nie negowałem metodologii prof. Grabskiego ani jego wyjątkowej znajomości tematu, ale często nie zgadzałem się z jego konkluzjami. Nie będę powtarzał mojej argumentacji – wyłuszczyłem ją obszernie kilka dobrych lat temu w cyklu tematycznym na moim blogu. Wszak dojście do innych konkluzji i oceny etycznej i moralnej nie jest wszak w jakikolwiek sposób zaprzeczeniem dorobku naukowego Grabowskiego w tej materii. Naturalnie, że nie jest jedynym badaczem tego obszaru historii, a jednym z licznych historyków polskich, izraelskich i z innych państw, którzy tym olbrzymim i horrendalnym okresem się zajmowali. Ale jest, ze względu na zebrany materiał dowodowy, jednym z ważniejszych.

Na wokandzie sądowej pan Grabowski był tylko świadkiem prokuratury oskarżającej posła Brauna o akty przemocy i wandalizmu. Chodziło w szczególności o ustalenie faktów i przebiegu zdarzeń z dnia, gdy kilka lat temu[i] miała miejsce prelekcja Jana Grabowskiego organizowana przez Wydział Historii Uniwersytetu Warszawskiego. Prelekcja, która de facto nie odbyła się, gdyż zaraz po wstępie profesora tenże faszysta Braun podbiegł do mównicy i po chuligańsko zdementował mikrofony i urządzenia nagłaśniające. W wyniku powstałego zmieszania i strachu wystąpienie akademika przerwano i nie mogło już w takiej sytuacji być kontynuowane. Niewątpliwie do zwiększenia zamieszania i konsternacji wspomogło też głośne przypominanie Brauna, że dokonuje ,interwencji poselskiej’. Pomyliły mu się widać wieki, bo od czasów I Rzeczypospolitej, gdy pojedyńczy szlachtura mógł sejm zerwać jednym ‘nie pozwalam’[ii] minęly bezpowrotnie kilkaset lat temu. Niemniej okrzyk ‘przeprowadzam interwencję poselską’ mógł niektórych autentycznie wprowadzic w konsternację.

Wyobraźcie sobie państwo 460 posłow biegających po różnych miastach w Polsce, niszczących mikrofony i zrywających spotkania-zebrania mieszkańców tych miast! Sodoma i Gomora, LOL! Na szczęście chyba 99.5 procent posłow RP aż takimi wariatami nie jest. W każdym bądź razie nie do tego stopnia, by ich trzeba było zamykać w wariatkowie. Tak, rozumiem, że wielu czytelników może się ze mną w tej kwesti nie zgadzać i chętniej jednak by cały Sejm do wariatkowa (na wszelakij słuczaj, jak mawiają starożytni Rosjanie). Wracjamy wszak do tematu, bo nie było to zajście ani wesołe ani zabawne.

Prawdą jest, że Braun to wąż przebiegły i szczwany. Na szczęście polskie sądy już odzyskały w dużej części swobodę i niezawisłość, którą im odebrano w ciemnej nocy lat 2015-2022. Dzięki temu sędzia był bezwzględny wobec oburzających chwytów Brauna, który uważał, że uczyni z wokandy sądowej teatr polityczno-ideologiczny. Na przekór jego usilnych prób, tym razem mu się to nie udało. W pewnym momencie wyczerpał cierpliwość sędziego i tenże nakazał mu opuszczenie Sali sądowej na pewien okres czasu. W czasie tej ‘banicji’ reprezentowało oskarżonego aż trzech obrońców-adwokatów. Po powrocie na sale rozpraw nieco skonfundowany poseł starał się mitygować. Ale naturę chuligana trudno nawet samemu okiełznać. Szczęściem przytomności i już chyba pewnej irytacji sędzia wielokroć informował świadków, że na niegrzeczne pytania oskarżonego nie mające nic z konkretem sprawy odpowiadać, lub wręcz ich zaczętą już odpowiedź przerywał, dając krótkie wyjaśnienie. Żal mi trochę było adwokatów oskarżonego, którzy zachowywali się przyzwoicie, a ich klient systematycznie swoimi perorami ośmieszał, żenował i niweczył wszelkie szanse na jakąkolwiek skuteczną strategię obronną.

Ileż padało z jego ust obraźliwych słów, które ze względu na kontekst jego wypowiedzi były szkalujące i szczujące. Hasła ‘Polak’, ‘patriota’, ‘Żyd’, ‘Szkop, ‘Niemiec’, ‘folkzdojcz’, ‘komuch’, ‘Ruski’, ‘Wołyń’, ‘Eurokołchoz’ były rzucane, jak piłeczki pingpongowe. I nic z przedmiotem sprawy nie mające wspólnego. Zwykła odrażająca natura tego człowieka, który gdy mówi, to pluje błotem.

Nie potrafię w jakikolwiek logiczny sposób wytłumaczyć i zrozumieć takich osobników. Poza jedna ewentualnością: nienawiść traktowana , jako choroba psychiczna zżarła jego mózg kompletnie. Ale wtedy trzeba być konsekwentnym – taki osobnik, jako niebezpieczny dla otoczenia winien być izolowany w zamkniętym zakładzie psychiatrycznym na czas nieograniczony.

Co jest bardzo smutne, to świadomość, że ktoś go na posła wybrał. Ktoś na niego głos oddał. Świadczy to o degrengoladzie pewnej (nielicznej, wierzę) części naszego społeczeństwa. Części, która jakby zapomniała, że największa część ofiar Holocaustu, to byli polscy obywatele, polscy Żydzi. To nie byli przybysze z kosmosu – to byli nasi sąsiedzi, nasi sklepikarze, nasi poeci, malarze, pisarze, kompozytorzy. Nasi, polscy Żydzi.

Pod tym łączem jest przekierowanie do mojego tekstu z października 2022 roku, który syntetycznie i dość jasno wyraża moje prywatne, osobiste rozumienie Zagłady i procesu emocjonalnego, który jako Polak musiałem przejść. To część trzecia cyklu, jaki wówczas pisałem i jako ostatnia najbliżej oddaje nie tyle racjonalne ile emocjonalny stan mojego rozumienia tamtych złych czasów.

Smutek i Brak. Cisza, którą trzeba wypełnić prawdą. – > > Pogwarki < <

[i] 30 maja, 2023 roku

[ii] liberum veto

Dawn of Generation and Change of Guards

Bogumil Pacak-Gamalski

September marks a time of somber thoughts, reflections. I am a Pole, Canadian Pole, European Pole – but Pole to the core, through and through. September is not only about approaching fall, of yellow and brown leaves, flowers fading and days getting shorter every evening.

For a Pole of my generation September is reminiscence of great and terrible world war, the one with number ‘2’ attached to it. Always, for as long as I remember: the national martyrology, almost a quasi religion: dark, mournful, full of pain. Yet, it is a true heavy feeling, not something you do because it is polite or out of obligation. No, it is not faked and it is not just laying wreaths at the bottom of some cenotaphs. It is happening at homes and inside the deep crevices of your soul.

The war was still inside us, our parents and grandparent lived through. It is true that there were also official circuses and commemorations to impress someone, to score some political points. Nonetheless, even these theatrical motions were performed by these people, who after returning home still had to go themself through these somber and sad moments. No one could escape it. After all, they were not remembering some magnificent Middle Age battle or campaign. No, the Second World War was a private Loss for everyone. It was such a total war, it touched all who lived through it and it touched their children. When I was a child – it touched me, touched my sisters, my cousins, all my friends. Us, young people, who were not even alive during the years 1939-45. We were all born mostly in years 1947-65, the majority of us during the 1950’s.

For generations of my grandparents it was particularly tragic and painful memory. They lived through the Bolshevik revolution of 1917, through the rebirth of Polish state in 1918, the victorious Polish-Soviet war of 1920. Now they are all gone, the last one was my grandma Wanda, who died in 1972.

But the truth is that for my generation all these previous wars were an ancient wars. Yes, exciting (particularly the battles for independence and the heroic Warsaw Battle against the Bolsheviks, which save Western Europe from communist oblivion) but at the end it was an ancient history, like the Greeks battle of Troy.

Yet, that war, the last world war – was still alive everywhere; in my childhood not all cities and towns were fully rebuilt. Finding partial ruins or bombed house was not difficult, the same as partially rusted shells in forests, on shallow shores of rivers, streams. Nor was surprising finding every day fresh flowers on some streets, where Nazis did some executions by firing squad or public hanging. These flowers were a daily routine. They marked places were their friends, their lovers, sons or daughters perished. For our parents, and grandparents these people were their friends, lovers, husbands, wives and children.

By the time I was fifteen I used to go on my own need almost once a week to lay a flower (sometime stolen from a city flowers box – sorry, did not have always in my pocket an extra five or ten zlotych[i]) on an exact street corner in front of an enormous building of National Opera, where a young Warsaw poet was shot in 1944 – Krzysztof Kamil Baczynski[ii]. He was shot almost fifteen years before I was born. Yet for me, he was my slightly older friend, very dear and close. Now – I am old but still think of him as my friend. More, I think that I actually loved him as person. Is it possible to be in love with someone, whom you never met and who died years before you were born? I think – yes, it is. After all I am still in love with Alexander of Macedonia, and that boy-king died not centuries but millennia ago!

Back to the subject though, the subject of changing guard, of generational exchange. We are on the last leg of a run through life. Mind you, it is not yet the proverbial ‘one leg in the grave’. We are still running. No, it is not an Olympic sprint anymore. Some might still have a desire to dance and to fall in love with another person if they are single, some are still working – but almost all are in a official retired age, but we are also the next echelon of humanity that starts to leave the train of life on a regular pace. It is normal course, nothing tragic, part of the journey. The cycle of generations continues.

Of course there must be a caveat: It is true that there are still very few among us, who remember the war as seen through their eyes, but those were eyes of very young children. They are now in their late nineties or over a hundred years old. My oldest cousin was born still in Vilno (now capital of Lithuania, then a large Polish city) in 1944. But he is gone now, too. It is next to impossible that he could have remembered anything of the actual war and he never pretended that he did.

The reality and the fact is that for practical reasons people, who lived during that war are gone. Now it is us, the next echelon of humanity that’s starting to leave the train of life on a rather regular pace. It is normal cycle of the generations. In a few years, maybe a decade, we will cease to be intellectually and emotionally the engine of the society. Matter of fact we are no longer the main engine, just the extra smaller ‘enginette’. When we will stop being that canister of our memories of post-war reality a silent social revolution will take place, silent, yet very powerful change will occur.

We are the last ones, who were personally affected by the war. A war with silent battlefields, and silenced guns – a war, which long shadows still lingered on our streets; in our neighborhoods, in our homes and during family gatherings.

The next generation – our children, nephews and nieces are free from the shackles and chains of that trauma. There are even free for most part from the memory of the abnormal reality of about forty years of living in the grey and absurdly tragicomical reality of PPR – Polish People Republic, a quasi-sovereign state in the years 1945-199o. Mind you – that quasi independent state was the only Poland I knew, were I was born, went to school, had my first romances. At the same time it must be stressed that this Polish state was sort of abnormality among all other Soviet satellites. There were even officially sanctioned other political parties that were not ideologically communist (unheard of in other Soviet satellites), there was a powerful Catholic Church, which resisted and maintained its independence with very powerful Church hierarchy, to a shock of the very first non-Italian pope in hundreds of years who was … a Polish cardinal – Karol Wojtyla, better known later as John Paul II. Stalin must have turned in his grave, LOL. Polish universities were of high scientific standards and a place of vigorous political and ideological debates – if not during formal classes then certainly on the corridors and courtyards. It comes to no surprise that the amazing first free trade union called ‘Solidarity’ was born in that ‘communist’ country. I had a small part in it being this union organizer in Warsaw. Even more important is that we, Poles, spoke freely at homes and on the streets. With caution – but freely. It was our daily rejection of the absurdity and abnormality of the Soviet system. In some strange way I could say that to a certain degree my generation of that Poland was perhaps freer than young people on the other side of the Iron Curtain. Not in laws and privileges given to us, but in cherishing and clinging to our internal freedom.

We also believed in certain civic decency. At that time a young intelligent Pole could not and would not call himself/herself a fascist. That was a Rubicon we would never cross[iii], regardless whether you were even an ultra right in your political views. In our eyes fascism was synonymous with Hitlerism. That was as plain as the difference between night and day.

The II world war changed that word, that rightwing ideological view forever. It wasn’t, as in the pre-war times anymore that fascist view was tolerated. Before the last war fascism was interchangeable with ultra nationalism, with hurray type of patriotism. That changed after the experience with that total war. Just Italian Il Duce[iv], Spanish Franco or Portugal Salazar could not have achieved what Hitler achieved with that movement. He himself made it synonymous with crimes unspeakable, horror indescribably. It was an abandonment of humanity beyond any scale.

Fascism was the gate to the Factory of Death of Humanity. A Gate that had its name: Arbeit macht Frei. Auschwitz, Buchenwald, Dachau. All of these names, places have one denominator: fascism.

That what my generation knew, understood. It came as the biblical Commandment you shall not kill, that we knew instinctively, that those who do kill are fascists, as simple as that.

An individual thief, a murderer, rapist – that is not the same. Those are individual crimes against society, crimes that could be judged, adjudicated and punished. Aberrations that, by proper education, could be avoided or corrected, minimized.

Fascism was a symbol of Gates to Hell, to Hades.

What I wrote above comes from one’s plea, one’s need to exalt in the reader of the next, younger generation this simple truth of History: fascism must be stopped, must be ostracized, must be condemn eternally. We, my generation and the generation of my parents knew that by heart, by true experience of what it is if it will ever get a free ride in public life, in public discussions. Yes, it could be discussed and taught in schools, universities as a painful lesson of history – a very tragic lesson. But it has to be stopped of having a right to be part of any public political platform of dangerous propaganda.

There are all these fascist or semi-fascist parties, movements, fascinations all over in Europe now: in France, even in one Land in Germany (sic!), to my horror in my dear Poland – has all the world gone crazy?

Wake up my dear Citizen, wake up and stop this aberration, this sickness that will devour your heart and mind. Don’t’ listen to these lies about patriotism that these people constantly spew from their mouths. The love of one’s country also means the love of all citizens of your country. But they profess only love of these citizens, who represent their sick minds. Only the whites, preferably the tall, only those born in very particular geographic location. So on and so on, to the exclusion of everyone else. But we all came from one and the same seed: the short ones and the tall, the white and the black, the blond and the brunette (and the red-hired too, of course), them of whatever sexual orientation, left-handed and right-handed, poor or rich, weak or strong, the Jew and the Gentile, the Muslim and the Christian (and Buddhist, of course) and don’t forget the ever more numerous non-believer.

Once you start making distinctions, selections, you are giving a moral right for others to judge you, to deselect you – to cast you aside. For what reason, you may ask? Yes, I will answer that question. Remember – when I was mentioning that horrible place, the apogee of fascist thought: Auschwitz? When a train arrived to that Hell on Earth carrying hundreds, maybe thousands new prisoners there was a man there awaiting them. He was a medical doctor called The Angel of Death or simply Josef Mengele. He examined the prisoners and with one flick of his hand he decided, who will be killed instantly and who will live for a while. Thousands upon thousands of people went through that decision. Every time you start making these distinctions among other human beings – you start growing inside you a new Doctor Mengele – the Angel of Death. That is exactly what being fascist means.

post scriptum

The picture that is attached to the article is somewhat symbolic. It is a simple exercise book, a typical ordinary school book to write in. I used it for some time now to write some of my texts, my poetry. I hardly ever leave home without carrying one of this type of notebooks. Have many of them laying around near my bed, my table. An old habit. That one is with the graphic symbol of Warsaw’s fighters in 1944 during Warsaw Uprising against fascism, the print below the graphic simply says: against fascism.

I started using that notebook around the time of first full term ultraright government in modern Poland in 2015. The first text in that notebook deals with growing dangers of far right politics and ideologies. This text you are reading now is the on the very last pages of that notebook. I think that the cover of the notebook is a fitting symbol of the same subject: protect freedom, protect rights of all. Otherwise a state becomes a gulag, prison.

[i] ‘zloty’ is a Polish currency

[ii] Krzysztof Kamil Baczyński – Wikipedia

[iii] Crossing the Rubicon – Wikipedia

[iv] the popular title given to Italy’s dictator, Mussolini

Polskie deja vu

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

Oglądam i słucham codziennie wiadomości. Zawsze byłem ‘zwierzęciem politycznym’, na szczęście nigdy nie byłem politykiem. Często bywałem działaczem społecznym, co o politykę i polityków się poniekąd ociera. Mea culpa. Ale trudno zupełnie ją w życiu odrzucić, gdy jest wszędzie. Chcąc cokolwiek dla innych zrobić lub zwyczajnie choć nieco rzeczywistość nagiąć do własnych wyobrażeń i dążeń – bez ocierania się o tą brudną politykę nie sposób. Choć przy okazji pobrudzić się łatwo. Cóż, trudno.

Mam więc zawsze (z wiekiem silniej to występuje, bo naturalnie z biegiem lat bagaż zawodów wobec polityków staje się cięższy) duże nadzieje wobec polityków, którzy te nadzieje budzą wiedząc, że w większości wypadków się na końcu rozczaruję. Na usprawiedliwienie trzeba jasno powiedzieć, że nawet najlepsze intencje tej pani czy pana, którzy za politykę się biorą z czasem ulegają wyjałowieniu w zetknięciu z twardą rzeczywistością politycznej walki z przeciwnikami lub nawet sojusznikami, koalicjantami. W sumie najłatwiej to mają s…rwiele dyktatorzy i typki, które kompletnie w nosie mają przepisy i konstytucje. Czyli ci, którzy demokrację używają do zdobycia władzy, a po wygranej tą demokrację zamykają w Domu Wariatów za żelaznymi drzwiami i oknami z kratami.

Od czasu pewnego nikt mnie tak nie cieszy, a budzi z letargu, jak obecny Marszałek Sejmu RP, pan Włodzimierz Czarzasty. To stary wyjadacz politycznego chleba lewicy. Zaczynał, jako smarkacz jeszcze za nieboszczki PRL. Było to może i niechlubne – ale mówienie, dziś, że każdy młody chłopak czy dziewczyna, który do ZMP (młodzieżowa przybudówka PZPR) należał był świnią i zdrajcą, jest kłamstwem. To byli młodzi ludzie, często ze środowisk robotniczych, którzy kończąc szkoły, na ogół studia też, myśleli, że można to naprawić, że idee są dobre tylko źli wykonawcy. Prawda jest taka, że i wykonawcy nie wszyscy byli tacy źli. To właśnie idee były kompletnie złe. Do d…py, zwyczajnie. Ale zrozumieć to, gdy ma się lat 18 lub 20 i nigdy nie żyło się w kraju demokratycznym, a od urodzenia właśnie w tym PRl jest więcej niż niemożliwością. Szczęśliwi, którzy żyli w rodzinie i środowisku inteligenckim, wręcz anty-komunistycznym, anty-sowieckim.

Czarzasty nie ukrywa tego, ba! podkreśla, że jest politykiem lewicowym (w moim życiu przekonałem się, że Lewicy ufać można najbardziej jeśli chodzi o sprawy socjalne). Czy bym chciał aby Lewica tworzyła rząd w moim kraju? Chyba nie jednak – ale bardzo bym chciał by była takim języczkiem u wagi, by bez jej głosów rząd by tracił swoją parlamentarną większość.

Dzień czy trzy temu wysłuchałem pasjonującego wystąpienia pana Marszałka Czarzastego na spotkaniu z młodzieżą z całego kraju. Gdybym tam był osobiście (nie byłbym, bo młody nie jestem i politykiem też nie, LOL) bym z radością na stojąco bił brawo. Idee, tak! Wizje, tak – trzeba je mieć, trzeba w nie wierzyć. I trzeba czasem o nie zawalczyć. Niech młodzi nie machają ręką, że ci ‘starzy’ u steru władzy, te zgredy nigdy im na to nie pozwolą. Nie patrzcie na tych zgredów. Sami po swoje prawa sięgajcie, trzymajcie ich za ‘wyborcze gardło’, by obietnice spełniali. To chodzi o wasze życie, o waszą przyszłość.

Pokolenie waszych dziadków i pradziadków walczyło o Polskę w 2 wojnie światowej, waszych rodziców (ja) miało swoją ‘Solidarność’ – teraz czas na wasze pokolenie. Historia daje wam szansę wziąć ster i lejce we własne ręce. Tak, skoczcie bez siodła na grzbiet tej starej kobyły Historii i poprowadzcie ją na świeże pastwiska.

Poniżej te porywające wystąpienie tego mądrego ‘starego zgreda’ Marszałka Czarzastego.

Speech of the Prime Minister of Canada

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

Canada and United States have been involved for many months with negotiating a new bilateral Trade Agreement or extending the still legally existing trilateral Agreement between Canada, Mexico and USA.

As we know USA (and vice versa Canada for USA) is our largest and most important trading partner. The USA has huge industrial base, huge – in comparison to Canada – population and therefore larger market for both domestic and imported goods. Our large and mostly undefended border stretching between two oceans provides for easy transport of goods and services. Canada has a vast quantities of numerous natural resources badly needed in the USA.

For many years huge numbers of Canadians and Americans would cross our border in almost unrestricted manner, efficiently. Bringing needed dollars to American grocery sellers and to Canadians from large Americans visitors.

History made us different politically – we are confederate monarchy, they are a confederate republic. They had slavery and very long racial segregation decades longer than we did. They are a military superpower involved constantly in some sort of conflicts all over the globe; we have neglected our military numbers and strength for a long time, yet being recognized internationally as a peacekeepers either in United Nations Blue Helmets or other peace-making missions.

Of course, there was always a big dose of competition between our countries and societies. But never to the point of outright hostility. Until now. Until the last Administration in Washington..

Now, two words of my private story as a Canadian. Spent here almost my entire life here. Definitely (except maybe early-5-6 years) my entire adult life, my working life and now retirement. To summarize – Canada is my home. Home I cherish a lot.

I lived here through many Canadian governments (starting here with last months of famous Pierre Trudeau till now very competent Mark Carney.

In my now long life I remember – when I was still a boy back in Poland – US President Kennedy making a speech about the US war in Vietnam, remember President Johnson ending that bloody war, remember pivotal visit of President Reagan in Poland; remember Nixon resigning his Office; both Bushes; improbable and extremely important Barack Obama, Jeff Clinton, George Bush.

Some I liked, some disliked. It was always plain that for all of them – for better or for worse – they were Presidents, leaders of their country, who believed in that country and in the old values of the republic.

Until Donald Trump. Nothing was the same, nothing is. I stopped crossing the border, which seems at times resembling a border between East and West Germany, when there was Soviet Union.

Laws, customs, norms – all of it stopped being obvious, certain. Diplomacy? What is it in current Administration? Nobody is sure anymore.

Friends among nations? Who needs friends if you can have puppets?

Sure, it is a subject of funny jokes, agitated conversations. But at the end it is … very sad. Sad and tragic because we need the old, familiar America. America needs the old, pre-Trum America. For better or for worse but societies do need stability, knowing what tomorrow might bring, progress (even if very small and slow).

You need a country, which is much more than Exchange, Auctions. Country starts with idea, grows with love and respect. Country is people. Much more than land it posses. People make a country and their leaders serve the people. In a democracy, anyway.

Sometime countries disagree with each other, but otherwise they still respect each other. There established mechanisms to resolve these disputes. Accepted, with frames, norms.

All these norms, these mechanisms formed incrementally after I and II world wars. So we can avoid the next gargantuan war. With the demise or kept for historical attachments of Kings – the people took the reins in their hands. By the people, for the people … .

Than comes Donald Trump. Nothing matters anymore, nothing is important, that cannot have the weight of gold , precious stones, or rare minerals.

Mark Carney walks away from this type of ‘talks’ and took with himself entire Canadian delegation. When there are no rules but just whims of the obviously stronger and bigger opponent, there is no sense engaging in any discussion. One person dictate is not a discussion.

Thank you Mr. Carney for representing me as a Canadian. I am glad you did, what we expected you to do.

Canada is not for sale. To anyone.

W rocznicę Bitwy Warszawskiej 1920

W tych dniach patrzymy w okno Historii, okno z którego widzimy twarz zmęczoną, ale dumną. Twarz dowódców i żołnierzy, którzy uratowali Europę przed marszem buciorów morderczej Bolszewii.

Dziś w dniu tej rocznicy Defilada wszystkich rodzajów Sił Zbrojnych RP – na lądzie, w powietrzu i na Bałtyku. Ku chwale Ojczyzny Panowie i Panie żołnierze i oficerowie.

Słoneczne Wybrzeże – magia nieba i wody

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

Ostatnia dłuższa wycieczka zaprowadziła nas w znajome trasy morsko-lądowe w kierunku Powell River i Mermaid Cove[i]. Dokładnie ten sam biwak namiotowy i dokładnie te same miejsce, gdzie rozbijaliśmy namiot rok temu.

Ruszamy dużym promem klasy ‘C’ z Horseshoe Bay, skąd statki wypływają aż w trzy różne trasy: a) najbliższe, prawie tramwajowe połączenie do uroczej wyspy Bowen; b) połączenie do Langday, stamtąd samochodem do Earls Cove i kolejnymm mniejszym promem do Saltery Bay; c) z tego samego portu, też dużym promem klasy ‘C’ są regularne połączenia do Nanaimo na wielkiej Wyspie Vancouver.

My płyniemy do Powell River. Pierwszy, duży statek wiedzie nas do portu Langdale.

Mijamy po lewej znaną i lubianą Bowen Island od jej wschodniego brzegu po prawej, skrytą w głębokiej zieleni wyspę Gambier. Dalej, w kierunku Langday. Tu następuje przeniesienie się do samochodu i wijącymi się wśród licznych jezior i niekończących się lasów, szosami dojeżdżamy do maleńkiego portu BC Ferries w Earls Cove i wsiadamy na prom do Saltery Bay.

Z Saltery Bay jedziemy w kierunku miasteczka Powell River, ale kilka dobrych kilometrów przed miasteczkiem skręcamy w gęsty las-park nad Zatoczką Syrenki[ii]. Lokalna, wyjątkowo sympatyczna rodzina, którą zna blisko mój przyjaciel, zarezerwowała dla nas te same miejsce biwakowe, co w zeszłym roku. Tuż obok mruczącego wartkiego potoku o nieskazitelnie czystej wodzie.

Rozwijamy namiot, rozkładamy manele, zakładamy gatki kąpielowe i pędzimy do skał nad znajomą zatoką. To znaczy on pędzi – ja kuśtykam o swojej lasce, bo kolano już nigdy chyba nie będzie normalne po wypadku ubiegłorocznym, a trzy bodaj dni wcześniej miałem atak rwy kulszowej w tej drugiej, zdrowej nodze. Przez pierwsze 30 godzin po ataku tej rwy myślałem, że już przyjdzie się na stare lata nauczyć chodzić na rękach… No a jak tu , panie dzieju, nosić sukienkę powiewną i chodzić na rękach?! Ani łydek ani ud wszak nie golę!

Więc kuśtykam jednak na nogach. I pokuśtykałem na skały. A tam, nad wodą moje dwie ukochane siostry – arbutusy[iii]. Zakochałem się w jednym przepięknym arbutusie, który kiedyś rósł tuż przed hotelem Empress w Victorii. I pewnego roku, wiele już lat temu, jacyś miejscy orgrodnicy-mordercy wzięli i mi je ścieli. Barbarzyńcy nieludzcy. Od tamtej miłości arbutusowej ilekroć te drzewa gdzieś napotykam, to ślę im szczere uczucia i głaszczę ich delikatną korę. Jest w ich delikatności wielka moc i siła. Często rosną na bardzo skalistym podłożu o płytkiej ilości ziemi, chłastane prawie nieustannymi wiatrami od oceanu obok. A trwają niezłomne i na przekór.

Po przywitaniu z nimi, doczłapałem do brzegu. Przyjaciel już szalał w falach, ale on gibki, zdrowy i pływak, że hej. Po prawdzie to pływać i mnie wygodniej niż chodzić. Więc kijek-podpórkę na bok i chlust w tą wodę. Szczęśliwie od razu głęboka na kilka metrów, więc ceregielić się nie ma nawet jak, a tylko płynąć od razu. Bajka. Widoczność przy nurkowaniu za to kiepska. Akurat sezon kwitnięcia glonów i wodzie miliardy tych delikatnych blaszek-nasionek od tego kwitnięcia. Takie to drobne, że prawie niezauważalne, ale w masie swej, pod powierzchnią czyni widzialność dość krótką i kształty niewyraźne. Nie wspominałbym o tym i pewnie zapomniał, gdyby nie … A nie. Jeszcze nie powiem teraz.

Następnego dnia pojechaliśmy na wycieczkę do miasteczka Powell River. Połaziliśmy nieco, na lody świetne wstąpiliśmy. Po lodach należy na kawę dobrą zajść. A kudy! Wszystkie kawiarnie zaryglowane. Jeden tylko bar czynny, więc poszliśmy. Stały na ladzie dwa termosy, proszę więc o kawę, Podała. Wyszliśmy na zewnątrz i piję … nie, nie piję. Próbowałem, ale takiej lury dawnom nie pił, LOL. Tam, panie dzieju, to innym czasem żyją. Po południem późnym nikt już kawy poza domem nie pija. A turyści? Turyści muszą się z faktem pogodzić i ze zwyczajami i raczej szanse na znalezienie w pobliżu lepszego serwisu są mniej niż nikłe.

Szczęściem mój przyjaciel Wawa zabrał ze sobą i kawiarkę espresso i palnik gazowy, to zrobił nam koło namiotu świetną kawę-siekierę. Jak siekła, to na nogi, jak na sprężynach człek stanął. Zaś ognisko naturalne, z brewion drewnianych to już ja i rozpalałem i ognia domowego pilnowałem, jak należy. Nie na darmo za komuny jeszcze byłem harcerzem, LOL.

Noc nadeszła. Gwiazdy tam, w tej czerni absolutnej, to nie niebo oglądane na plażach blisko wielkich miast. To w ogóle nie czarne niebo z gwiazdkami większymi i mniejszymi! Skądże – to kobierzec wyhaftowany srebrną nicią tak gęsto, że czerni nieba trudno dostrzec. Gwiazd taka niezliczona ilość i tłok, że nic prawie nie widoczne: ani Orion ani Syriusz ani jakieś tam inne nie rozpoznawalne w tej ciżbie błyszczącej! Gdzież tam Mały czy Wielki Wóz, gdzież Wielka Niedźwiedzica i Strzelec, Bliźnięta! Gdy starasz się, jakiegoś porządku w tym harmiderze błyszczącym dopatrzeć z zadartą głową, to po chwili nie tylko porządku nie znajdujesz, tylko ci się jeszcze w tym łbie kręcić zaczyna, jak nić Ariadny. Hefajstos miał wykuć diadem dla tejże Ariadny, który z czasem bogowie olimpijscy umieścili na nieboskłonie, jako Koronę Północy. Więc w tę Koronę gapiłem się, jak głupi z oniemienia. Miało być w Koronie siedemdziesiąt gwiazd. Żarty na bok – na liczeniu do siedemdziesięciu we łbie mi się jeszcze nie kręci! Ale do kilkuset lub kilku tysięcy -oj tak. Zdaje się, że jeszcze i sputniki jakieś latały bliżej widnokręgu, bo wyraźnie cos tam pędzącego widać było. Meteory? Chyba nie, bo gdybym widział rozpalone do biała meteory, to bym pewnie już tego tekstu też napisać nie mógł, bo jakiś krater tunguski by się tu rozciągał, hi hi hi. Może i szkoda, bo by w końcu był święty spokój …

A resztki puszczy prastarej? Niczym czary-mary obrosłe mchami, z martwych i powalonych nowe olbrzymy wyrastały, ręce-gałęzie do nas wyciągały. Cóż tu pisać więcej, gdy nieprzystojne rymowanki same się na kartkę piszą, LOL. Czary-mary i basta.

Nie wiem nawet jakim sposobem kolejne wrażenie spisać, zapisać? Jak by racjonalnie to ująć, bez poetyckich aluzji, metafor, przenośni, bez onej licentia poetica? Ano nie sposób, choć najprościej, jak potrafię to opiszę.

Idziemy więc po omacku prawie w tej nocnej gęstwinie starej dżungli wychodząc w końcu na znajome skały, gdzie jaśniej, bo światła niebiańskie oblewają tą specyficzną sino-bladą łuną i skały i wodę. Przyjaciel żwawszy wpada od razu do wody i płynie. Nagle woła mnie podniecony czymś niesamowicie. Ostrożnie schodzę po głazach do wody, by się nie wywalić z tą nogą do kitu. Pyta: widzisz? No widzę wodę ciemną i nic więcej. On podchodzi bliżej do mnie i ręką robi łuk pod powietrznią wody i … aj wej! Nie wierzę własnym oczom. Każdy ruch ręki w wodzie zamienia się w płonący srebrny potok, jak struga rozgrzanej cyny lub srebra właśnie! Robię to samo i efekt ten sam. Skąd? Co? Dlaczego? Co to jest?!

A to właśnie (po późniejszym poszukiwaniu w świętych zwojach Internetu) bioluminescencja wytwarzana przez drobne nasionka glonu Pyrocystis noctiluca. Skąd, dlaczego? Ba, spytajcie Natury. Tak to już miliony lat temu sobie to ułożyła. Miliony, bo alga i glony są od nas dużo, dużo starsze. W sumie grzybnia jest z nimi spokrewniona, ale to temat na kolejne dwieście stron, więc go nie rozwinę.

A tego nocnego spaceru zaobserwowanie tego zjawiska naturalnej elektryki w oceanie i to elektryki darmowej i kompletnie nie parzącej, było dla mnie czymś na miarę odkrycia, że cuda się zdarzają.

Naturalnie idąc po ciemku przez ścieżki w puszczy nie brałem ani aparatu fotograficznego ani telefonu więc zdjęć tego zjawiska nie mam. I dobrze, bo cudów i tak fotografować nie da rady.

Wracając jechaliśmy bez pośpiechu. Był czas i na kąpiel w jeziorze Ruby, i odwiedzenie muzeum w rybackiej wiosce Skookumchuk Narrows (ponownie bezskuteczne szukanie kawy, LOL). A kawę (świetną) w końcu odnaleźliśmy w osadzie ponownie nad oceanem w Roberts Creek. Tam, gdzie co rok malują nową Mandalę. Każdy z wizytujących może część tej przepięknej i olbrzymiej mandali pomalować. I tamże ostatnie zatrzymanie się na morskiej znowu plaży. Połaziłem trochę po wodzie, ale była wyjątkowo i niespodziewanie wręcz lodowata, więc nie pływałem. Wawa bohatersko przez chwilę popływał, LOL.

BC Ferry prom ‘Malaspina’ z Earls Cove do Saltery Bay

[i] Sunshine Coast – popularne miejsce wycieczek uroczego wybrzeża Kolumbii Brytyjskiej, do którego wiodą połączenia promowe BC Ferry z Horseshoe Bay. Sunshine Coast jest częścią stałego lądu, ale i fragmentem wysokich i dzikich gór North Shore i nie ma możliwości przebicia przez te szczyty i wąskie doliny szosy. Dzięki zaś temu miejscowości i osiedla położone nad samym oceanem zachowały swoistą sielankowość, ciszę i resztki świata wczorajszego i samo Słoneczne Wybrzeże bardziej przypomina charakterem wyspę, niż stały ląd. I koniec. Finito.

[ii] Mermaids Cove

[iii] inna nazwa: Pacyfik Madrone

Back to the ships – powrót na statek

Bogumil Pacak-Gamalski

(Polish language version in the last section)

My last Journey Of Memory, last major saying ‘goodbye’, au revoir. Trails of past 50 years. Perhaps the most poignant – big part of my daily life since 1994: BC Ferries ships and Terminals.

Some of the ships are gone having served hundreds of thousands passengers, as the old, venerable V-class vessels: ‘Victoria’, ‘Vancouver’, ‘Saanich’ and ‘Esquimalt’; the Queen of ‘Burnaby’, ‘Nanaimo’ and ‘New Westminster’ were the C-class[i]. Next ones came the workhorses of the entire fleet: ‘Spirit of BC’ and ‘Spirit of Vancouver Island’ where I spent most of my career. These large ships were also built in British Columbia and given the Class-S specification. Both of them went in 2017 to Poland to undergo a major half-life refit and an addition of liquefied natural gas propulsion alongside the traditional heavy oil.

It is important to notice that all these ships were build by Vancouver, Victoria and Esquimalt shipyards. The shipyards are now long gone memory, thanks to misguided policies of all past governments both provincial and federal and (not to be forgotten) thanks to a new USA import – new President of the BC Ferries, Mr. David Hahn, who forbade the corporation to order new ferries from Canadian shipyards – he is gone now and not missed.

The next major purchases were the three large Coastal Class ferries built in Germany in 2008: ‘Renaissance’, ‘Celebration’ and ‘Inspiration’. Not my favored ones from the point of view of catering operations due to the ships convoluted internal design of lounges and catering services – but otherwise good and sturdy large vessels.

The last major purchases were the modern ferries build in Poland: these four smaller ships (‘Raven’, ‘Orca’, ‘Heron’ and ‘Eagle) have surprisingly large capacity of nearly 600 passengers. They were given Salish/Class designation. They were built in 2016.

There are still many smaller ferries operating on many other small routes to numerous islands, and one large sailing all the way from Port Hardy to Prince Rupert with connection to Haida Gwaii – but that is another long story for other time.

Monday on the 22^nd of June I went back to the ships, to the Terminal in Tsawwassen, to the place I spent a big part of my life. The first surprise was the ticket Agent, who sold me the voyage. I have heard that almost no one from ‘my times’ is still working. Well, the agent looked at me and said: Bogumil?! How nice to see you again! Speaking of anonymity, LOL. I didn’t want to go the regular way with the passengers, but to be with the crew, at the dock. Right by the luggage rack I met a Van Driver from the ship – of course I worked with him years ago and we laugh about me ‘coming back to work’, LOL. Then I went to spent a silent moment to the bench and cement block filled with soil and some green living arrangement – our memorial to a dear friend and steward from many, many years ago, who suddenly passed away, too young and before his time. My John was particularly close and fond of him and we did many outings together to Downtown Vancouver for some fun time.

Back at the birth good laughs and jokes with the Chief Steward, Chief Cook, some deckhands and officers of the ship with whom I did worked. Speaking of anonymity again, LOL. And some of ‘my children’, as I called my crew on my last summer with BC Ferries.

Of course, there were people .whom I did not know and who did not know me. Including – out of all of the crew, LOL – the Captain of the ship. Although I must say that it wouldn’t have happened back in the ol’ days. At that time (especially in the early years) most crew advanced their career while working onboard from the lowest position: from the deckhand to the captain, from catering attendant to the chief steward, from 3^rd engineer to the chief engineer. But it was very long time ago and things were changing gradually over the years, probably for the best in many cases.

Walking through the ship, visiting the ‘command centers’ of the enterprise – Main Galley (that means kitchen – for you poor civilians, LOL), Chief Steward Office (that brought a lot of memories, LOL) which is not, as many travelers probably think, simply a Tourist Information Booth (although it is that, too) but a very busy place – a main office of a very large and expensive enterprise. It always amazed me how two or mostly three people (if you include the Chief Cook, who is part of the structure – that would be four people, but Chief Cocks don’t have time to spent too much time in the office, their ‘office’ is the Main Galley) manage to replace easily five or six clerks, accountants, office managers that usually would do the job in buildings on land. But I will not expand on that subject… LOL.

The last one was very pleasant visit with an old friend on the Bridge, the Chief Officer on this watch. My God! I remember him as a very young boy, who just started on the Ferries, straight from school. Now he is second in command and from what I have heard (and know myself) a very able and good Chief Officer. I used to work for many years with his father – a retired now, long time Captain of the ships; worked with his sister. Jimmy (the Chief Officer) seem to be very capable officer of the ship. Good job Jimmy, keep her and the course steady-as-she-goes. I am sure your father is very proud of you. The bridge look-out was familiar face, too. The Bridge and the navigational and command consoles looked the same. The chairs felt familiar, too. LOL.

When we were leaving the birth in Tsawwassen I wanted to be alone on the outer deck to see the maneuvers of leaving dock. Always liked to observe it, did the same while we were docking at the Duke Point Terminal near Nanaimo, on Vancouver Island. Nothing special, eh? Really? Anyone, who says it is an idiot without any knowledge. The births s are very narrow and squeezed between other births, often with other large ferries leaving or coming at the same time. It is an art sometimes, especially in bad weather. It amazed me many times, and not many things amaze me that easily …

Goodbye my ferries and those, who run them. Very special bunch of people.

Specjalny dzień moich kolejnych pożegnań. Nie byłem pewny, czy chciałem to zrobić, bo to powrót do bardzo długich lat służby na statkach na których spędziłem ćwierć wieku, statkach na których pływałem i pracowałem razem z Johnem. Statkach, gdy koleżanki z pracy żegnały mojego Johna w sposób szczególny, gdy powiadomiłem ich z Nowej Szkocji, że odszedł od nas. Statek zwolnił ruch, prawie się zatrzymał, Chief Steward i Second Steward rzucili do wody przed wejściem do Active Pass wiązanki pożegnalnych kwiatów. /…/ Teraz ja pojechałem na jeden z tych dużych statków pożegnać się z tym światem morza i statków.

Uprzedzano mnie, że mało kogo poznam, że załogi się bardzo wymieniły i większość nowych ludzi teraz tam pracuje. Ale już kupując bilet na przejazd do terminalu Duke Point sprzedający agent rozpoznał mnie natychmiast; drugą spotkaną osobą był kierowca pojazdu odwożącego bagaże pasażerów na statek. Potem powitania za znajomymi stewardami, oficerami. Niewiele się zmienili. Może zmarszczka lub dwie więcej. Nie wchodziłem drogą pasażerów ale razem z załogą. Jak kiedyś. Uściski, trochę żartów. Przepraszałem, że zapomniałem założyć mundur, LOL.

Zanim weszliśmy na statek, zrobiłem krótki spacer na ostatnie, specjalne pożegnanie. Na końcu nadbrzeża, tam gdzie na ogół ‘parkują’ największe statki czyli ‘Spirit of British Columbia’ i ‘Spirit of Vancouver Island jest specjalna ławka i cementowa ‘donica’ upamiętniająca innego drogiego kolegę, który przez wiele pierwszych lat był moim stewardem. I bardzo bliskim przyjacielem mojego męża. Często razem jeździliśmy w dni wolne do centrum Vancouveru odwiedzając kluby gejowskie. Barry nagle i niespodziewanie zmarł na atak serca. Przeżyliśmy to bardzo, zwłaszcza mój John. Potem uczestniczyłem w rozsypaniu jego prochów ze skrzydła głównego pokładu samochodowego do wód portowych. Dostał zasłużenie prawdziwy morski pogrzeb. Więc byłem tam znowu, po raz ostatni z nim się pożegnać. Zasłużył na naszą wdzięczną pamięć.

Potem już na statku łaziłem po zewnętrznym pokładzie, po różnych kabinach, salach dla pasażerów, po wszystkich pomieszczeniach cateringu – cafeteria, sklep pamiątkarski, galley (kuchnia), biuro stewardów, gdzie tyle lat pracowałem. Poszedłem na mostek kapitański porozmawiać z 1szym Oficerem, który dowodził mostkiem i nawigacją. Zaraz posadził mnie na swoim fotelu przed tą masą radarów i czujników elektronicznych. Panel (panele w zasadzie, bo taki mostek wygląda dla niewprawnego oka prawie jak urządzenia na statku kosmicznym, LOL), który tak dobrze znałem. Cieszyło mnie, jak dobrze sobie radzi na tym mostku. A pamiętałem go jeszcze świetnie, gdy zaczynał pracę, jako bardzo młody i ledwie opierzony marynarz. Pracowała tam wówczas z nami też jego siostra, przemiła dziewczyna. Jak lata się zmieniają. Kiedy ten obecny oficer był chłopczykiem w ‘krótkich spodenkach’ … pracowałem z jego ojcem, wieloletnim kapitanem na naszych statkach.

Generalnie byłem zaskoczony ile jeszcze osób z załogi pamiętało mnie i pracowało przez szereg lat ze mną. Ale były oczywiście już też nowe twarze. Mineło już blisko dziesięć lat, gdy zszedłem ze statku.

Pewnie jeszcze przed wyjazdem, gdzieś na jednym ze statków popłynę, ale to była specjalna podróż bez schodzenia ze statku. W zasadzie nie czułem się nawet pasażerem, a po prostu jednym z załogi.

[i] Queens of Burnaby and Nanaimo were often referred to as ‘Burnaby-class’ – but for all practical reasons they were V class.

Golda Tencer – świadek i uczestnik historii

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

Oglądałem dziś wywiad Z Gołdą Tencer, wielka, wspaniałą Żydówka polską. Związana z ich historią, ze wspaniałym Teatrem Żydowskim w Warszawie. Z historią bolesną i ciągle mi tak brakującą kiedy chodzę ulicami miast polskich. Tylko cmentarzyki zostały. A ona ne wyjechała.

Żydzie mój, jak mi ciebie brak. Ty pejsaty i ty w garniturze profesora uniwersyteckiego, poecie i pisarzu polskim, ty lechoniowy i ty tuwimowski i szulcowy. Nigdy cię nie zapomnę, choć nigdy prawie cię nie spotkałem… Zniknąłeś za zasłoną dymów straszliwych pieców, emigracji do Izraela , ale jesteś też w tłumie cieni, które mijam chodząc ulicami warszawskimi.

Film z YouTube autorstwa znanej piosenkarki i podkasterki RFM Classic, Kayah (Katarzyna Magda Rooijens).

Obejrzyjcie – wspaniały zapis kultury polskiej. I naszej historii.

Andre Gide and the long trails he led me through

Bogumił Pacak-Gamalski

On Claude Mauriac Coversations with André Gide

Introduction:

Andre Gide as a guide – but to what light, what knowledge?

Andre Gide not himself with his books, his amazing literature, but Gide as seen in his twilight years through conversations and observations of a young Parisian, Claude Mauriac. No, no that more famous father, François Mauriac_[i](a writer, critic and member of French Academy and Nobel laureate in literature). Claude followed his father’s footsteps, who also interviewed Gide and wrote about him extensively.

All of it and all of them reminded me how amazingly important for continental Europe was the French literature since Moliere, and especially in revolutionary XIX and first half of XX century. Italian, Spanish, or German literatures had its episodes, individual, singular writers, the same as English from across the Channel. But none of them had such an impact on literary styles, thought, as did French literature as a whole at the same time frame.

I remember vividly that right after I stopped reading Mickiewicz, Kraszewsk and Krasicki_[ii] – I went straight to Stendhal_[iii]. I’m talking about a 10-12 year old boy in a peculiar cocoon called ‘Polish People Republic’_[iv]. Yes, it meant communist. France for us was modern Athens. Of course, I had to re-read a lot of it again in a two-three short years to better comprehend it – but by the time I was fifteen, I knew by memory all the streets of Paris, from Montmartre to Montparnasse. It was very helpful when I eventually ended up in Paris for a visit with Kot Jelenski_[v] – a true bridge-navigator between French high culture and Polish literary/art achievements.

The story with reading about Gide goes a few weeks back. I was trying (still unsuccessful) to get from our Library a book by Klaus Mann and his talks with Andre Gide. He was the last one to have this type of talk with the great writer. That book simply vanished from Vancouver Library – last time I was actually told that: disappeared. I went finally to get that book by older Mauriac – François. Remembered seeing it on shelf of the Library, but this time that book was gone, too. LOL. Machiavellian conspiracy?!

But they had this book by the younger Mauriac and I took it. It might have been a good idea. He was very young and very much taken by Gide, and his own criticism was not blinded by arrogance or pre-conceived notions, as could have been the case with his father writings. Even more intriguing is the fact that older Mauriac was about the same age as Gide. Claude Mauriac, being more than generation younger, would not dare to contradict, or argue with Gide. I knew he would have listen and absorb – therefore his recollections would be more crystal, so-to-speak, taken with reverence.

While reading these ‘Conversations’_[vi] in Moodswing Cafe_[vii] a strange thought came to me or, more aptly – an observation. Strangely perhaps, because on the surface it is totally disconnected from that book and it’s subject. Somehow though, it feels that I need to include it in that short essay.

Here we go:

some people, mostly the artistic type, or at the very least working on some sort of public stage while doing it, dress very differently on that stage than off that stage. I am definitely not talking about actors, as these professionals play a role, not themselves. No, my observation is about any type of performer, who presents their own skill/art in a public space. They often dress very differently than they are off that stage. Why? Are they victims of ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”_[viii] syndrome? I doubt it. Yet, it seems to me that they think as their artistic persona would be too peculiar, too extravagant for normal, ordinary life. Extravagant?! Obviously that ‘artistic’ part is very important and it shows that they are fuller, happier and more confident in that ‘stage attire’ than in ordinary, boring clothing.

They should allow themselves that freedom of dressing a bit differently simply because ‘it’ is them and ‘it’ would show confidence and joy. Being an artist does not make you better than others, but it does give you the privilege, the right to be a little bit of a peacock. Perhaps not with fully displayed tail – but a colorful peacock nonetheless.

I think that Gide helped me to have that thought, observation. Certainly monsieur Cocteau_[ix], who comes up in Mauriac’s story very often would think that. I do not shy from this ‘perversion’ definitely.

(Next day in Melriches Cofee bar on Davie Street)

Well, back to the subject, the book of Claude Mauriac.

As I said I wouldn’t have borrow that book if not for the simple fact, that the other, written by his famous father was not at the library. Yet, being as it was, I have found out that it worked very well. That Claude, young aspiring critic and journalist did not come to Gide to discuss, analyze a famous writer style, body of work. He came timidly with open mind and heart to observe, to learn about Gide from Gide, without pre-conceived notions about Gide as a man. Obviously, the age difference added to his deference.

Did he understand the peculiarity of aging Gide homosexuality? Yes, he knew of it very well, Gide never hid it, but did he knew the emotional price paid by an aging homosexual artist – even in liberal Paris of the 30ties – who was single, did not have a partner? Of course he did.

Gide still analyzed, re-lived his tragically ended marriage ( her sudden death), a marriage never fully ‘consummated’. If you are not sure of the torture, perhaps you should read the gem of literature, the „Immoralist”_[xi]. It had tremendous effect on me decades ago, when I read it first time.

Claude Mauriac was not only young (o, so very young!), he was (as his father) staunchly, almost fervently Catholic. But he did try very hard not to let himself be judgmentally opinionated in his dogmas, especially noticing that his own famous father (also fervently Catholic) did not allow himself to judge Gide writings through his sexuality or otherwise private conduct. Au contraire – he held him in high esteem.

Yet, I must say without a hint of trepidation, that I sensed very strongly, that Claude was drawn mysteriously not only to Gide’s admired writings but also to his suggestive handsome looks and his, at times, flirtatious behavior. And I also do remember the ancient times when I was at Claude’s age, and how intellectually attractive were my much older friends. One must assume that admiring these much older friends intellectual prowess easily translates into physical allure. It goes without saying that intellectually accomplished men (and women), who are artists or people formally associated with art ventures do age gracefully, and barring serious illness, they do retain physical attractiveness rather well. That ‘attractiveness’ should not be confused with just mere and banal ‘good looks’.

On p. 160 of that book Claude re-examines his feelings toward Gide and vice versa. He now recognizes Gide acting as a clever gamer, he sees his ‘perfidy’ to be friendly toward him – a boy, a budding young journalist. But is it a fair examination of Gide’s acting by Claude himself? I don’t think so. I think and I assume it, because I believe that Claude wrote that book honestly. I also believe (although he doesn’t state it as an explice) that at times, through the extended vacation in southern France, he often was jealous of his father closeness and long friendship to Gide. Closeness that took away Gide attention to Claude only. That he might have been at times in the shadow of these two towering figures of contemporary French high culture. Granted – it offered him an extra security that the father might have offered just by being close, but it did steal the singular attention of Gide that might have been his otherwise. If he did not have these feelings, he would have been indeed very abnormal young man, and I don’t think that he was ‘abnormal’, LOL. François Mauriac and Andre Gide were undeniably first class stars of French literary culture; they knew and admired each other accomplishments for decades. Hence, vis avis that Claude persona and personality fades into shades of words, of importance of their lively discussions.

(following day, back in Moodswing Café)

I have become more and more attune to Andre Gide again. Yes, it started with Claude Mauriac Journal , but it took me much farther. It is now me at times, who talks with Gide. Sometime I argue with him, sometime I adore him … and yes, sometime I just want to shout at him: shut up already, Andre. You are not god or, at the very least, you are not the only god of European Olympus! Another false claimant to Homer’s lyre.

Alas, truth to be told, I do love Andre. When Claude Mauriac takes him to visit deathly ill dear friend Paul Valery_[xii] and he is not sure what his friend was whispering to him, I feel sorry for Andre. When he returns for a second visit … he is half an hour late. Valery is dead. Claude is overtaken by the look of broken, crying Gide. Was he crying for Valery? Undoubtedly, but mostly he was crying for their youth, for ‘that’ Paris. He was crying for himself. Selfishness? Perhaps … but truly, who is not selfish at the very core, the very center of our ego, our soul? When you cry after dear lover’s death – you cry over your loss much more than the loss of another person (of course the ‘other person’ would be your lover, but the asserted ‘yours’ is the key to that loss: something, someone was yours, belonged to you and now was taken away).

Egotist? I remember years ago reading F. Scott Fitzgerald “Short Stories”_[xiii]and loved it so much. It was his greatest literary achievement and it prompted me to read his first full novel “This Side of Paradise”_[xiv] from 1920. Many have called it an absolute portrait of the generation and its first section is titled The Romantic Egotist. How appropriate! These short stories and the novel portray a generation that just went through the unthinkable loss of millions in that devastating war of 1914-1918. Generation that was hungry for life, love, excess – ALL of it.

Dear Andre, did you know during your talks with this improbable youth called Claude Mauriac, that his world (as well as yours – once again) is just about to collapse under the pitiful actions of his admired earlier presidency of Maréchal Pétain, the Lion of Verdun, who become the Mouse of Vichy? No, of course you did not. After all you went to Tunis and Algiers. Did you enjoy the young bodies of the Arabian boys? Of course you did. After all it wasn’t the first time, was it? But you still should have told some of it to young Claude. He was naïve …

Gide dies soon after Valery. I’m personally taken by these moments and his sad, somber realizations. Am I now waiting for my death? Is my return to Warsaw a Gide’s return to Paris after the war years in Africa? Return to die…

(following day, back in Melriches Café on Davie in Vancouver)

Ah, yes – it is very hard to leave this place again, these streets, buildings, even shops, stores. Perhaps it is most difficult leaving the parks and their trails. Everything is so dear for me there. Everything? If life is everything – than yes, it is.

Our love, that I will never find again, my writings. Despite many shorter and longer returns to Poland, my dearest Poland, the undeniable fact remains that I was twenty two years old boy, when I left her. Now I am close to Andre Gide’s age, when Claude Mauriac wrote his Journal and become emotionally attached to that famous French writer. Andre died in Paris few years later, in 1951.

Regrets? No, have I not left my dearest Poland, I would have never found him – My Boy, My Life, My Soul. Things like that do not happen twice. Yet – Poland is my first love of books, of literature, of poetry, music. When I finally landed in Canada (after a year in London and two years in Italy) I was a truly fully developed man spiritually and intellectually. Back in the old communist Poland young people had to develop fast and mature fast. Of course, there was time for first kisses and romances – but a romance is not That Love you dream of, when you are that young. That one was waiting for me here, in Canada. Do I believe that things are preordained somewhere for us? That I don’t know and I am not going to be wasting time trying to answer such a theoretical question – cosmology was never my strength.

I do have one regret, though. Back in the 80ties I went to Paris to visit Kot Jeleleński_[xv], an amazing intellectual and art lover. Art lover is one description – but of course he must have been a great lover romantically, too. After all, he was a lover of improbable Leonor Fini_[xvi] and improbably beautiful Stanislao Lepri – an Italian aristocrat. He did, in pre-war Poland, had a friendship with Polish great poet Kamil Baczyński (a hero of Warsaw Uprising, where he died fighting German occupiers) – I forgot to ask him if he ever made love to beautiful Baczyński? But I would like to think that they kissed at the very least, both of them were very handsome boys. That is a side thought only, pleasurable but of no consequence. Yet, my regret is that I should have asked Kot to take me to the streets and cafes in Paris which Gide frequented. Kot was Parisian bare none. It is my great regret. You don’t ask just a tourist guide for places and stories like that. Stories like that could be told only by art lovers. Or artists themselves.

Who, if not Konstanty Jelenski could have told me the true shades of Gide? Jelenski, the ever arbiter elegentiae, the guardian of Polish and European literature? How did he survived the death of his love – Stanislao, the gorgeous Italian? I didn’t know that Kot at that time was dying himself of incurable cancer. Being as elegant in every meaning of the word, he never shown anyone his physical ailments. Let’s talk about art, not of something as ghastly as death – he would have probably answered.

Our lovers die too soon.

I have talked for a long time with Giedroyc_[xvii] in Maisons-Laffitte near Paris, editor-in-chief of highly influential literary and political monthly “Kultura” – but our talk was all wasted on politics instead about literature. Those were the times, but we should have known that even during war, talking about art and love is more important than politics! One that could have put us back on these important tracks was another editor of ‘Kultura” – Józef Czapski. Tall as a skyline physically and intellectually, himself a lover of young Russian poet Nabokov and later of Ludwik Hering – but Czapski was not in Paris, when I visited Giedroyc. Maybe Czapski met Gide, he could have due to his aristocratic connections he mingled o lot in the ‘society’ circles of Paris. Eh, the occasions and talks we missed…

When Oscar Wilde took Gide to a hotel in Algiers, Wilde rented two rooms and in both rooms was a local Algerian boy. Naturally, the boy was rented, too. They both delighted in their boys. Yes, I know my dear Reader that you are aghast – but trust me, I am certain that both of these writers delighted in these Algerian boys. They definitely were not terrified of these boys. Not only that – to your surprise (no doubt) I must tell you that it was not illegal – the age of consent was not 18, not even 15. It was at that time …thirteen. O tempora, o mores! Did you, dear Reader give a sigh?! Did you just say, with wiping sentimental tear off you check: the good, old times? No? You didn’t? I thought you did – because that is what you usually say, when you comment on current times, don’t you?

O, please spare me the debacle. I am not going to Algiers tonight, or any other time. And the age of consent in Algiers now is the same as in Poland or in Canada. Even in Paris, LOL. Not sure about Texas or the Temple in Utah – religions and individual states laws and customs are very different in the ‘land of the free’ south of the border. They are Christians, too (I think?) but they are the Later Saints … or is it Latter-day saints? Maybe it is just very special Latte or Cappuccino; it is all too complicated for a simple guy as me.

Thinking of Gide for few more days and thinking of him I wrote two pieces of poetry: one in Moodswing Café in New Westminster and one … sunbathing on nude beach and swimming in Mud Bay of South Surrey’s Crescent Beach. I think it necessary to finish this essay, which no longer is an essay only about Andre Gide, with these poems. Maybe I should even dedicate it to his memory and talent.

To you Andre, to the memory of great man of letters from France.

Winter time in a small village in Pyrenees.

Night comes quickly and darkness covers

the valleys and peaks. Suddenly, the windows

off a small stony church lights up in delicate

orange glow. From the top of the church steeple

comes the song of its bells: big bam! Big bam!

big!, big! big! Bam! Bam! Bam! Baaaam-mmm!

The air vibrates with each tone of the big bell

and sends bronze-coloured sounds to the valleys.

Archangel Michael blows into long, golden trumpet.

The music envelopes the meadows, climbs up the hills.

The call of God, the call of the Shepherd:

come and be enlighten in the mystery of life

and promise of death merciful that claims us all.

They run – the tired travelers, the herds of goats.

They cry and hope, as the trumpet sounds again

and dies suddenly like the last drop of now empty goblet.

The church becomes a masjid and archangel becomes muezzin,

that intones to all: Allāhu ʾAkbar. In Pyrenees Hannibal’s army

stop their march and rise their tusks and trunks: they sense the pitch

of the hymn and the psalm as the far flung peaks of Alps slowly

cover the church, the mosque and streams in the valleys.

The curtain call of History. Birth and death of Love.

Moodswing Café, 29. 05.26

B. Pacak-Gamalski

It’s almost seven in the evening.

The sun just starts to burn its glory.

I talk to young Adonis I just met in the water,

when we were swimming close by.

Back on the hot rocks of the beach

he asks me about a book I’m reading.

That book is about Andre Gide and young

Claude Mauriac, who wrote that book.

No, I don’t suppose that my Adonis knows

who was Gide and I explain that he was seventy

at that time and fabulously-scandalously gay,

but Claude was barely twenty one and staunchly catholic.

Definitely believing being straight as an arrow,

straight as the priest, who presided piously over Holy Mass

in the church they attended with Gide and Claude’s father

in the southwestern France, in Malagar, close to Garonne’s

fast moving waters and not far from Spain’s Pyrenees.

Not sure if all that did not scared him: Malagar, big river Garonne,

close to Spain. A thought might have crossed his mind:

is he crazy per chance? And he moved few steps to the left.

Yet, he stroke a pose of Greek efeb to accentuate

his graceful, but muscular body. I pretend

not to read his mind and just admire his statuesque’s

shapes. Like a monument in Louvre or in Athens.

Michelangelo must have painted or sculptured him.

Gide and Claude in France? Who are they?

And who cares on a nudist beach

in the company of Greek efeb?!

Crescent Beach in South Surrey, 30.05.26

B. Pacak-Gamalski

[i] François Mauriac | Nobel Prize-Winning French Author | Britannica

[ii] A. Mickiewicz – great Polish poet, author of national epopee “Pan Tadeusz; Jozef Kraszewski, a popular author of many historical novels in the late XIX century; Ignacy Krasicki, bishop and writer called a Polish La Fontaine, satirist and critic of an old feudal system, XVIII century

[iii] Stendhal (orig. name: Marie-Henri Beyle) French novelist, precursor of realism and psychological portrait

[iv] Quasi sovereign satellite of Soviet Union block of states created after the 2 w.w. (1944) – the most liberal and free from the entire soviet Block. It ended in 1989 by peaceful free election led by ‘Solidarity” movement.

[v] Konstanty Jelelenski – eminent Polish émigré in Paris after the end of 2 world war; one of the three founding intellectuals, who organized and run the famous Paris “Culture’ periodic – an extremely influential magazine among intellectual and literary elite and not only for Polish people in the West, but mostly for people in communist Poland, where it widely distributed as ‘bibula’ (illegally)

[vi] Conversations with A. Gide; by Claude Mauriac; tr. M. Leback; pub. George Braziller Inc. New York 1965; s. 235

[vii] Services 4 — Moodswing Coffee + Bar

[viii] The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde | Project Gutenberg

[ix] Jean Cocteau – a prominent French poet, performer and avant-garde style movement instigator

[x] Melriches Coffee, 1244 Davie St, Vancouver, BC. | Make that happy connection!

[xi] The Immoralist | French Novel, Existentialism, André Gide | Britannica

[xii] Paul Valéry – Wikipedia

[xiii] The short Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald; pub. By Charles Scriner’s Sons, New York, 1989, p. 776

[xiv] https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/literature-and-writing/side-paradise-f-scott-fitzgerald#this-side-of-paradise-by-f-scott-fitzgerald

[xv] Konstanty Jeleński — Wikipédia

[xvi] Leonor Fini at Weinstein Gallery

[xvii] Jerzy Giedroyc – Wikipedia